life's happenings...

I hate the feeling where I want to talk to someone about something…I just can’t get myself to muster up the courage to actually initiate the convo or bring up the topic :T why am i so..sohimhae? haha i think thats the right word..? I dont know. It’s just really frustrating…especially if all I want to do is help the person out.

solution: get over yourself and do something about it.

problem: I can’t get myself to just follow the solution.

dilemma…. :T

suddenly i feel so overwhelmed with everything. i dont know what to do…

T.T

story of my life…

its really weird..i’ve been dreaming a lot recently. probably because i keep waking up throughout the night/morning :T its really annoying..and i dont know what to do about it…kind of worries me. eek!

but yea..i usually don’t dream in the first place..which is weird. but besides that, the content of the dreams are….interesting. hahaha i have to say..sometimes it’s quite disappointing when i wake up and find that it’s a dream. 

but i have yet to have a dream where i can fly or do something beyond normal human powers. that’d be a very satisfying dream…i guess until i wake up :( haha oh welll. silly me. i really need to go study now. 

isn’t it funny how it’s so easy to criticize other people when you do the same things yourself? just thought it was interesting. something to think about, yes.

for some reason..this year i feel almost… rejuvenated. I can’t explain why or how - i just do. Usually i dread going back to school. I never want to go back because i’ve grown to appreciate home so much over the past 4 years. but for some reason, i’m almost…a little excited to go back and finish up my last semester. Maybe it’s because i’ll be graduating haha. so in a sense..its not me looking forward to school but getting out of it. but anyway, looking forward to getting back. 

but then, that raises a whole new topic. will i just be that much more disappointed? frequently, when i’m the most excited for something, it’s when i’m disappointed the most because i hold up such high expectations of the event, probably, and those expectations aren’t met. 

but i digress…. :p

back to the main point. looking forward to the new year. don’t know why. maybe it’s because i went to the km new years eve service for a change. they’re much more excited for the new year and celebrating the past year. anywho, i can only say that i just am excited to see what it’ll bring. that’s not to say that i’m not scared for plans afterwards. i’m scared out of my mind! but thats for another day :) 

for now..i’ll be happy with how i am. content. 

goodbye B)

why is life so damn complicated.

it doesn’t help that i get stressed really easily too. sigh.

the more i live life, i am CONSTANTLY surprised at people. I just…am baffled. My mom always told me that you’ll always run into people that you won’t like, that’ll annoy you, piss you off, etc. I heard her but didn’t realize the severity and validity of this comment. 

Some people are just…SO ungrateful i dont get it! I know everyone has different family backgrounds which mold what they become with different ideologies, thought processes, values. but damn. maybe i have some superiority complex or something thinking that my way is more right than others, but i dont know, being the logical self, i feel like i’m the most logical. HAH. but anyway, i diverge.

it’s just that some people are so..weoijaflks. they take things for granted, feeling as if it’s their right and that they deserve certain things. uh…no?! false. wrong. you don’t DESERVE any gifts or love or care from ANYONE. that’s something others do because THEY want to, not because YOU’VE done something so great to earn it, that they can’t help themselves but to shower you with love, care, money, etc. i think everyone is just so full of themselves that they can’t get out of this cycle. everyone feels entitled to things that aren’t rightfully theirs to receive. it’s not about what you do but what others want to do for you. GET OVER YOUR SELFISH EFFING SELF UNGRATEFUL BITCHES AND HOES. (sorry for the language :p )

but then again, seeing things like this constantly reminds me how much i need to be thankful for a lot of things and get myself to reevaluate things in my life. maybe people like them are put on this earth, just for my benefit so that I can learn from them. but thats just mean…hahaha. they piss me off so much. 

or maybe things are just exacerbated because i’m stressed..hm. 

so i feel like only this has been the topic of my life lately…and i’m really sorry for always just talking about this. BUT DAMNNN growing up is freakn stressful.

it’s so hard to try and plan everything and try to do it well. just so many obstacles along the way. and its more discouraging seeing how other people are just so..on top of things. or so it may seem i suppose. i bet they stress out just as much. sometimes i just want a break from everything…but with a pause in time. taking a break = wasted time. gahh which I HATEEE. that causes even MORE stress. moyahh….

and worse, i feel even crappier because of all the freakn money i used up for college. seriously we could have bought like…a new house with that money. FREAKN. so i’m MORE pressured to get a job QUICKLY so i can pay back loans AND repay my parents for everythinggg. my dad can’t work forever. haha. maybe i’m just spoiled —’ but i am trying to be a bit more independent and on my own two feet. maybe for now…i’ll just try to stay on one foot. the 2nd foot can come down later :T one step at a time. one thing at a time. but the world moves so fast. 

but i guess in the midst of all this i have a HUGE thing to be thankful for…the fact that my parents are so open with me doing what I want to do and not what THEY want me to do. i’ve been so blessed with having parents like them and respect and love them so much for that :) 

on a brighter note. its nice to come home and catch up with friends. especially ones i get to see like once or twice a year. sad growing up. but nice at the same time to hear their life stories..where they’re going…what they’re aspiring to do. LOVEE ITTT. ahaha although it is weird to talk about going out to get a couple of drinks with my high school friends. to think…that day has come HAHA. 

i am also secretly excited for whoever’s wedding where all our friends come back to play :p i’m so weird. but i think it’ll be so fun! a wedding where you dont go for your parents but because they’re actually YOUR friends. but who knows when that day’s going to come. 

wow this is the longest post i’ve written i think. thats all for now. 

goodbye.